Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
