Nicole vs. Life
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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