I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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