I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
