so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
