Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
