Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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