You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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