I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
