It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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