I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's just like the Real World with babies
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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