I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
