I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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