Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
