you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
