just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
