i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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