i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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