I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
