yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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