you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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