i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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