is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
whose parrot is this?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
