I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
