Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
