just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
