is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
