using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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