If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Houston, we have a squirter
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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