Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
