vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
