My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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