so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
