You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
