when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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