dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
