someone threw a dead crab at me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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