I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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