Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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