Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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