Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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