I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He did a backflip because drugs
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
