The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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