Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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