somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
