I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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