I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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