He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i love accidental penises.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
