she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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