you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
