there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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