I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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