everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
