How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
