So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
