$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
