The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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