His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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