Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Green mimosas i think yes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
