Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
