Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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