you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
