the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
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Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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