3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
