a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
