We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
