I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
