We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
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Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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