the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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