I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
