So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
