stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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