I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize