end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
