im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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