CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
