Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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