i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
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It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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