just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We don't watch enough power rangers
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize