So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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