I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize