This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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