I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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