so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
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$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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