I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
