No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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