Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize