going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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