I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
