we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
