My first STD was from a foam party
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
