I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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